When I date back I recall a man off the family tree
My right hand Poppa doc I see
Took me from a boy to a man so I always had a father
When my biological didn’t bother…
Pete Rock & CL Smooth, “They Reminisce Over You (T.R.O.Y.)
It was 6AM on a Sunday when I was supposed to get the phone call that my Pop had passed away.
I didn’t answer. Instead, I peeked at the phone and said, “it’s 6AM, I’ll call him back.” I close my eyes and try to go back to sleep. Five minutes pass, and I’m not sleeping; instead, I’m trying to remember the last conversation I had with Pop. We had been playing phone tag for a couple days, and I hadn’t really got to talk to him. I pick up the phone and call his number back. I’m debating if I should sit up to get ready to talk, because we sometimes talk for hours. Pop doesn’t answer, it’s Jonelle. My heart drops instantly, because Jonelle never answers Pop’s phone. At least not when I call.
“April, I’ve got some bad news…”
“No.” I cut her off. “No…”
“Pop, …Pop, …he passed …in his sleep….”
I sit up. “Nooooooo!! No! No …”
Jonelle, his wife, the love of his life, is telling me that my Pop, the only man that has been a constant in my life, is gone. Gone forever. I can’t believe it. I’m listening to Jonelle explain the details while recounting all the times this week I said I was gonna call him back since the last time we briefly spoke on Tuesday. It’s Sunday morning and I’m pissed. I’m sad. I’m mad. I’m crying. I thank her, she thanks me, and let’s me know she’ll keep in touch.
“Why the fuck didn’t I call him back…” I say.
Because I thought I had time. We always had time. We always made time. We always gave each other time. And here it is, after all this time, there was no more time. My pop had passed away in his sleep. Jonelle would later share with me that his heart gave out on him. My guy, my Pop. I still can’t believe it some days.
Pop came into our lives when I was about six years old and has been here ever since. My Mom had broken up with my biological dad and met Pop shortly after. He loved us, helped out with us, and whatever else he could while he dated my mom for about five or six years before they broke up for good. Even after the split, he never left our lives. That’s when I knew I loved him, because he stuck around for us. He had moved on and would later marry Jonelle, but he always kept in touch. Pop was there when I had my kids, when I graduated college, through heartbreaks and heart aches, and anything else you can think of. My family loved him, and my Nana always reminded us of how lucky we were. Pop and I talked often, but we didn’t link often because of our schedules. When I bought my house in September of 2019, and in our usual fashion, we always thought we had time. We kept making plans for him to come over, and for him to meet my love. Then the pandemic hit, and with Pop’s health issues, we were bring cautious. I was also putting off his visit because I wanted furniture and to have my house settled.
Oh how I wish I would’ve invited him to just sit on the floor or the deck.
Losing a parent is tough, especially when you’re in what you consider the prime of your life. I say “what you consider,” because we all go through phases and stages of how and when we need our parents. I believe that the years of 30+ are where we build the bonds and truly enjoy our parents and their company, mainly their words of wisdom (and the free meals where we discuss things, of course.) Not only are we able to digest their words, we’re able to apply that wisdom to our lives in real time. For me at 35, I believe that I am in my prime. I need him so much right now, because even at “this big age,” I still feel like I need an adult adult, a more seasoned adult, if you will, to validate my thoughts, feelings and opinions. He’s always been my go to for advice, with everything from the kids, work and life, to managing money, men and my individual self. Pop was no saint, by any means, but he was amazing in my eyes. Every now and then, I’ll sit a cup of coffee out for him and remember the good times, the lectures, the bail outs and the cuss outs …and either have a good cry, or a good laugh. Because Pop was a funny guy. And he loved to laugh! We had a lot of laughs and good times.
It’s been eight months since he passed, and there are still days where I want to call him. I’ve saved all his messages and make sure to keep in touch with Jonelle. I play our favorite songs often–Pop is the one that put me on to this Pete Rock & CL Smooth sample after we shared a laugh about this song being in an episode of The Boondocks (Season 1, episode 12 “Riley Wuz Here.) I made it through his birthday, which is a week after mine, and Father’s Day without completely breaking down into tears. I’ve always found solace in his laughter, so instead of crying, I’ve been leaving comments on his Facebook. We used to joke about people doing that on social media, leaving these long paragraphs like the dead person could actually read them.
And now, here I am. Leaving paragraphs.
I got time, Pop.
I got time, we got time. I got all the time in the world, and you got all the time in the clouds.
Thank you for your time, Pop