(Duke Ellington & John Coltrane, In a Sentimental Mood.)
Peace and blessings, y’all.
I’ve been on a bit of a posting hiatus, but I’m always on my writing pad. If it’s all the same to y’all, I’d like to drop some spoken word poetry here for y’all to read.
I started this poem in 2013 and kept a low profile with it, only sharing with a few people I knew wouldn’t (a) steal my shit and that would (b) keep it a whole hundred if this jawn needed work. However, with the retrograde in full effect, coupled with everything that’s happening in our own worlds, I felt like this poem would be good to share. A lot of us have a hard time letting go of people and things, mainly out of some kind of fear, but also because we don’t know any other way to be. I hope that this poem encourages you to find another way to cope, to get into self love and self care, and to close doors while releasing any negative energies that are prohibiting you from aligning with your highest self. You are more than deserving of reciprocal energy in every aspect of your life.
Without further ado, I give you, “I Love(d) You.”
I have uploaded one of my favorite joints from John Coltrane & Duke Ellington, “In A Sentimental Mood,” to play for you all as you read along. Though I wish I did, I do not own the rights to this music.
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I Love(d) You
That feeling of my legs shaking between yours with our bodies intertwined as you lay on top of me from behind runs through my mind after we lay in the sheets, but the feeling is fleeting, as soon as we come together, you’re leaving ….I embrace the moment and make it last forever like that last slice of cake. The debates I have with myself to call you on your bullshit and make you choose, all or nothing, I lose…cause I give in to your sweetness, you can tell when I’m bluffing, my body needs your loving …and I will not deny thee the pleasure of feeling better or deny that for my body…you satisfy me, fill me up with your love, I breathe in deep to prepare myself for your love and I surrender willingly… it’s all that I can do not to scream out your name, I would yell to the heavens but it’s not polite to call on God in vein, the feelin drives me insane, I wish I could bottle up the sensation as my legs like, vibrate from the intense penetration, my heart is racing, my legs quiver and you deliver pure bliss… and then you look at me with that look and softly kiss my lips and it’s like floating on a cloud, it’s like everything you can’t imagine yet it comes and goes so fast in my heart I can’t fathom the reason for me being so …infatuated …intrigued …ecstatic…long live this feeling, as it runs deep. May I have it to hold on to forever, as mine to keep.
*sighs* … … …
One more time turns to one more time and that one more time turns to you’re all mines, but it’s only in my mind, in reality your community property, my heart’s outnumbered and I’m not coping with it properly …this love has got to be something bigger than my comprehension, you failed to explain your other interests, maybe you forgot to mention them …nonetheless I’m interested, becoming invested is out of the question cause I know you ain’t shit … … …but I want you any way so I continue to lay as I hope for the day for us to co exist with no drama and no bullshit … … …I know I gotta let you go cause I’m better than this, and every time I try to walk away you grab me close and kiss my lips …and then my hips…and then my lips ... …and I’m in bliss … …and I forget about all that shit … …I rehearsed on the way in the car … …you take me far, you take me deep, and before I can say no, I’m already asleep …I wake up in your arms, outwitted by your charm… …I keep playin’ this game …this is the last time … ..swear to God, and this won’t be in vein.
Oh, those pretty memories.
I love you.
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*poetic snaps*
Get into some self love, yall. Do not let the retrograde bring you back to someone or something you let go of, especially if it meant you no good.
Don’t go backwards. Move forward! Also: do not stay in no kinda relationship that doesn’t fulfill your whole being. Friendships, relationships, hobbies, jobs, none of that shit. Make sure that whatever you give yourself to, even if it’s just a piece of you, make sure that whatever you give yourself to, brings you peace.
You are more than deserving of reciprocal energy in every aspect of your life.
Baaaleeeeeedat!
With much love,
April Bee
