Keith Sweat, “Right And A Wrong Way”
If you’re anything like me, you love a good love story: The Notebook, You’ve Got Mail, When Harry Met Sally, etc. They’re all pretty much the same: boy meets girl, they fall for each other, some kind of issue arises that challenges their love, but in the end, they make it through and live happily ever after.
I can’t speak for every woman, but I myself have come to understand that our love stories and are little bit (actually very much) different from the way it goes in the movies.
Women as a whole are subjected to far greater trials and tribulations as it relates to modern romance than men. The average woman has to deal with infidelity, the feeling of inadequacy and some kind of abuse, among other issues.
I wanna share with y’all a post I read over the weekend. Check this out from GHerbo on Baller Alert’s lnstagram page regarding the engagement of rapper Juelz Santana and his longtime girlfriend Kimbella:
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bqm9bSiHi_O/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=ndi4va3n9bqj
Nah.
The two don’t go together. Jumping the gun too soon and ending a relationship vs holding on to a man that don’t mean you no kinda good are two totally different things. We have got to stop perpetuating the stereotype that trauma is love. In his post, G Herbo describes a specific instance where his parents were out of control; he also acknowledges his dad putting his mom through a lot of shit before getting married.
Y’all, that is not healthy love.
We have got to stop glorifying women who stay with abusive/cheating men that eventually marry them. We should not belittle these women, but we shouldn’t encourage that type of resilience either. It’s not healthy, nor is it beneficial to or for the generations to come, as witnessed by GHerbo himself. There are so many men and women that equate G’s mindset to love that it scares me. You wanna know what love is?!? Love is NOT cheating. Love is NOT abusing your partner. Love is staying when real shit gets real thick, like a relative dying, or your partner losing their job or getting sick. Love is sticking around through parenthood and being a team; love is loving your partner on y’all best days, and the days when you don’t really feel like it. Love is patient, love is kind, it doesn’t hold grudges. We’re all human, this I know, but love creates a something in us so dope that while my 32 year old mind hasn’t fully comprehended it, I know it exists. The something is so deep and so strong that it’s a wonder we haven’t got a hold of it on a conscious level.
Can y’all tell a felt a way about that post?
I think we should also stop putting a time limit on when we should be married—G made a valid point there. My best friend and her husband were dating for 10 years before he asked her to marry him. Another couple I know dated for over a decade before getting married. I learned in sociology class that it takes you at least three years to really get to know someone, and I believe that you should spend another two to three years with them before you get married. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, and (in my opinion,) not to be taken lightly. You’re vowing to love, honor and protect a person for the rest of your natural life—can you imagine making that promise to the Universe and breaking it because you didn’t spend enough time getting to know a person?
That’s heavy.
If you’re reading this, G, please understand your platform and the power of your voice, and that you’re inadvertently teaching our youth their worth, in addition to the blueprint of what to stand for and allow into their lives and hearts with every word you speak (and type!) Please understand that putting a woman through a lot of shit isn’t love. I understand that you’re not their assigned role model, but you have to know that the youth and young adults are looking to you through your music.
Please teach them healthy love, after you seek that healing first.
If you’re not G but you’re reading this and can identify, I encourage you as well to heal the parts of you that need healing so that you can love someone the right way. Kudos to you if you’re on the path to healing, or have already been groomed for love.
There’s a right and a wrong way to love somebody.
Love them right.
Peace,
April Bee