Robert Townsend and Suzzane Douglas of The Parent’Hood
One thing I’ve learned in my 15 years of parenting is this:
It DOES not get easier.
YOU get stronger. With that strength comes wisdom, but not before you make a ton of mistakes.
What I’ve learned about parenting in the hood, is that not enough of us were prepared for adulthood, let alone parenthood. Circumstance is important to mention here, because quite a few of my friends and I made the decision to have children in our teenage years and have been blindly making our way through parenthood ever since. It’s especially tough for single parents.
I almost walked out on my kids last week.
Y’all:
*gasps* You did wHat?
ME:
I said, I almost packed a bag and walked out on my kids.
The dishes were piling up (not counting the dishes in the living room after I told them REPEATEDLY NOT TO EAT IN THE LIVING ROOM and food on the plates after I REPEATEDLY EXPLAINED to them that we do not have a garbage disposal and that I can’t keep buying Drano,) no one asks Dad for anything if I don’t tell them to, bed times were being ignored (“I’ma get up, Mom!” —yeah, right!) the complaining about there not being enough food and snacks (after they literally ate all the snacks I just bought—dang teenagers!) and to top it off, no one had done their chores.
What did it for me was the (continuous) complaining of them being bored because we can’t afford WiFi and cable, so there’s nothing to do. This was after I had spent an entire weekend on the phone with T-Mobile and 2 hours at the Apple store trying to fix my son’s phone which ended up with ME having to drive two hours back and forth to pick up a loaner phone for me while giving my son MY phone, because, like, GOD FORBID he be without a phone.
Nothing to do?!
NOTHING TO DO?!
How bout them chores?! How bout that homework?! How bout some studying?! Or the tablet that she just had to have?! Or the Xbox that he couldn’t sleep without?!
Shoot, I kept my box braids in for THREE MONTHS, looking like Bob Marley, so these kids could have these “boring” necessities and camp, and they still giving me attitude?!
THE FAAAACK?!!*
*I need a minute.
WoOOOOosaaaaah.
******************************
I’m good now.
I need y’all to understand that in that moment, I took it personal; I know that this may seem silly to some of you, but to me, the complaining, coupled with the long day I had, is what took me out. I was done. I work hard for these kids. These kids are the reason I’m still on this earth, they’re everything to me. And yet, here it is, despite all that I do, them kids ain’t happy? They never say this to their dads! They love dad no matter what. It’s always me that’s the bad guy. Faaack this! That’s it! I’m leaving! Ima pack a bag and go…but go where? And for what? Why come?! For what for why?! What’s gonna change if you run away from these kids?! What’s gonna be different? Run away?!? You ain’t got the heart! (I don’t.)
I sat there on my bed, defeated, and cried.
I am tired. Tired of doing this by myself. Balancing the budget of the household on one income, the wants and needs of the children, wants and needs of family and friends, the business, and ME. Someone’s needs aren’t being met, and I think we all can guess who it is
*points to self*
Parenting was not designed for one person to handle. Parenting is not safe in any capacity for one person to handle. Even with one child, it can be a lot. I have two, may God bless us and the single moms who have more children. We all need help, especially single parents. No, these kids don’t ask to be here, that is fact, but that doesn’t take away from what IS.
I’m IS tied, boss.
I’m tired and I’m frustrated and if I don’t get a handle on myself and this parenting thing soon, these kids aren’t gonna have a mama. I need to find solid solutions to these frustrations, and the first step is sitting down with myself and other parents, and then with the kids. One thing I realized while writing this blog, is that I definitely do too much for the kids, and that I need to step back and let dad take care of some things. What I loved about the show The Parent’Hood is that they gave us a glimpse of what parenting was like in the hood (inner cities.) Robert and Jerry were raising four children in a not so great neighborhood, and even with their busy schedules and marriage, they made time for efficient parenting did their best to keep their kids out of trouble. That stuck with me as a child, and I always said that when I became a parent that I would have these talks and make the time to connect with my children. Somewhere along that road, I believe that I made a wrong turn, which is why I am struggling. Granted, I don’t have the same household setup as the Petersons, I do believe that a middle ground is achievable in the house without me losing my shit.
After sharing my thoughts and feelings with both single and married parents, I have decided that I would like to turn this blog into a series, the end goal being us single, co-parenting and married couples discussing parenting styles and ways to solve (and avoid) issues with our children. Topics will include budgeting and finances, time management for parent(s) and the kids, as well as disciplining techniques and effective co-parenting habits. What works for some may not go well with others, that I understand, but I believe that parenting needs to be discussed in great detail often. There are so many of us that are just winging this parenting thing.
Let’s talk, y’all.
Peace,
April B.